What are you loyal to that no longer includes you?

Loyalty is widely celebrated. We are taught to value it, reward it, and seek it in others. We are also told to walk away when it is absent. And yes—loyalty matters.

Yet words carry history, and history carries energy.

In the mid-19th century, loyalty was defined as faithfulness to a prince, a superior, a law, or a spouse. It was allegiance directed outward—toward authority, structure, or another person. To be loyal was to remain devoted, dutiful, and unwavering.

As I began to explore the etymology of the word, I noticed something quietly missing: the self.

In my own life, loyalty often meant staying in relationships that no longer honoured me. Remaining in roles and professions long after they had ceased to nourish me. What I did not yet have was a sense of loyalty to myself.

Loyalty, in itself, is neither virtuous nor harmful. It becomes meaningful when it includes everyone involved. When it honours both you and the other—without self-sacrifice disguised as virtue.

True loyalty does not require exclusion. It does not demand that you abandon yourself to uphold another. It invites a broader choice—one where you can prioritise yourself without rejecting anyone else.

We live in a world that encourages “either/or.” Labels, positions, and rigid definitions give us a sense of order and certainty. Yet there is another possibility—what I call chaos.

Chaos, not as disorder, but as presence. As curiosity. As the willingness to remain in question rather than default to what is expected or familiar.

What if loyalty did not have to mean choosing one over the other?
What if honouring another did not require leaving yourself behind?

Often, the greatest limitation is not loyalty itself, but the rigid order we impose upon it—the way things should be. That order can feel safe, even virtuous. And yet, it may quietly restrict what is possible.

Chaos, on the other hand, asks for courage. It invites something new. It asks us to choose differently, with awareness and care. If this concept intrigues you then please check out my upcoming programs on https://www.draninditachakraborty.com/events-1